Those Two Magic Corners

With Winter finally coming to a dramatic close this past week, we are left with the memory of bitter temperatures, snow days, and potholes.  It can be a very frustrating season for some people for various reasons.  Not much sunlight, shorter days, very cold days, getting snowed in, running out of bread, milk, and eggs can contribute to forms of depression.  What about those who find this season emotionally draining?  For some, it’s hard to find happiness getting through the holidays, even with an army of family around.  Are you making time to exercise those important muscles?  I’m not talking about your quads or some latest fitness fad.  I’m talking about your smile.

How Do You Make It Work ?

With all of our modern distractions, how is it possible to sustain a long term relationship?  This goes for any couple, married or otherwise.

I was in a supermarket recently and saw a young couple doing their shopping together.  They had a grocery cart filled with mutual home item needs, yet the woman seem more interested in the experience than the guy.  While I was grabbing the few items I needed, I noticed  he was quick to start walking away from her, not really giving her an explanation as to why he was walking away.  It was a bit awkward to be honest.  She quickly regained some dignity by telling him she was going to be in another department.  I would venture to say she was a bit hurt by the whole exchange, judging by her body language and tone in her voice.  It made me think about what I usually ask my coupled up friends – how do they make things work in their relationship?  Even in instances as small as grocery shopping together.   I am a firm believer in comparing and contrasting experiences with other people because it is one way to learn more about yourself and your situation.  I’m not saying that you should always compare yourself and your relationships to others because that isn’t healthy.  But hey, if couple X makes special time for adventure instead of the usual go-to Netflix weekends – why not make a consideration?

What does it mean to make time for adventure?  Adventure can be as grand as multiple vacations through out the year or as simple as date nights, dance lessons, wine tasting – whatever makes sense for the two of you.  Of course life and its complications can add reasons to make you say things like, “well, not this month” or “not this year” – that’s another unrealistic roadblock.  If it’s finances that are holding you back, look into where you are spending your money.  Plan a budget at the start of each year, quarter, month and week  – if you aren’t that anal, creating a budget each month helps in planning some fun.  You will be surprised at how much you can save when you maintain an accurate budget.   There are a lot of great local things to try in most areas, especially if you live close to a metropolitan area.  There are various sites that offer ideas and coupons; just be sure to check reviews and leave reviews.    If it’s children that hold you back, work with other families that you trust to swap out babysitting duties.  It is a great low cost (if not free) idea that works for short term.  Try to not take advantage of others’ time.  It’s not right and not fair.

What if your adventure is just making time for each other?  That genuine friendship between two people, the talking, sharing and emotionally giving time?  As much as I love to be out on the town, listening to live music and dancing, I do enjoy the more quiet types of adventure.  Walking along the beach together, quiet dinners for two in dimly lit restaurants – you know, all the super romantic stuff.  I love the intimacy and getting to know more about your partner.  There are things about them that don’t change but there are a lot of things that do change as time goes on and they go through different experiences,  and it is important to keep the dialogue open, constructive and positive.  You fell in love with him or her for a reason and in 60 years, you will want to be able to readily list those reasons as to why you are still together.  Plus it is always good to share those reasons with each other.

Whether you have been together, married, living together – whatever – for 5 minutes or 5 years find out your dynamic and feed it.  Don’t let the, “oh, we can do it next month” create gaps.  Life is too short waiting for tomorrow, next month or next year.  Appreciate the time you have together now, and make the most of every moment.  Technology has caused us to not appreciate spoken word, written language, and palpable emotions in others.  We are forever waiting for that next second impulse or tone from our handheld devices to alert us of how we should feel for that brief moment.  Take the time to turn things off, set the mood and get back to what’s important:  finding what makes things work.

What are some ways you build your relationship that actually works?  What are things that you have tried that ultimately failed?

Happy 4th to You & Yours!

It’s Independence day here in the US and most people are doing the bbq thing, worrying about how much food they should or shouldn’t cook.  I want to take a moment to remind us to remember what this day is really in celebration of and how much further we need to go in American and as Americans.  Equality is still being fought for, as is maintaining our freedom by those overseas and stationed here within the US borders.  It’s not a day to worry about how many Pinterest ideas you have for an American flag dessert or table scape; remember those who we have lost, are losing to PTSD and those who are braving the choice by enlisting.
For those sitting around enjoying a day off, reach out to those who may not have family in the area.  Fellowship with your neighbors, or make a new friend today.

Happy 4th of July everyone!   Stay safe, thankful and free.

Marathon Makeup

This past week it was warmer than usual here in the North East part of the US.  Summer is sneaking up on us and I do worry that we are in it for the long haul.

The best way to beat the melted face look is:

• Invest in waterproof makeup 
• Skip foundation unless you are staying indoors in the A/C or going somewhere formal.  
• Don't cake on the eyeshadow.  Even the best makeup will get creases in it due to the heat and humidity.  
• For beach days or pool days, opt for clear mascara or skip it altogether.  I love to go swimming and hate having my makeup smudge then get in my eye. It can be really painful.  
• Use a good lip balm to prevent your lips from drying out.  I prefer to use Vaseline on my lips if I'm not wearing lipstick.  It works much better than anything else I've tried.  
• Drink LOTS of water!  Skip the soda, booze, most juices and shakes.  Stick with the basic, classic H2O (water).  
• Remember to wash your face twice a day with a very mild cleanser. 
• Remember to smile.  This is your best asset and comes free.  

Try to skip your usual makeup routine a few days out of the week and remember to stock up on sunscreen. 

Have fun out there and stay beautiful!

Major Life Rules

                How many times are we faced with challenges and then begin to doubt ourselves?  Almost every day, right?   We might be running late for work, have issues at work, issues with coworkers, family, relationships, and friends and so on.  I know I can create a list of things going on right now that I feel I need to solve before my head hits the pillow tonight.  Is it a reality to start solving all of these problems?  Is there a DNA code hidden that will reveal our true identities as differing super heroes and heroines?  I wish, if only to get a cool cape out of the deal!  The real starting point starts from within us, and then it can move outward.  

 Respecting Elders:   I teach my son, who is now four, the importance of respecting the older generation.  It is important to know where you came from to know where you are going.  This applies to all of us.  I see it so many times when  people are in such a hurry and won’t hold a door for someone, or they are quick to cut off someone older because they are speaking too slowly.  Is your life really worth that much more than theirs that you are unable to give them the respect they deserve?  I always make a point to talk with older folks any chance I get.  The wisdom they share is invaluable.  They have lived a life before all of our modern conveniences and know how to sustain relationships; whether it’s between friends or lovers.  They know how to survive through it all; racism, bigotry, hatred, and injustice.  

Respecting Each Other:  Plain and simple, remember the little things.  Whether your friend is dealing with sobriety, diet, lifestyle change, et cetera, remember to celebrate and respect their wishes and desires.  Hold the door for someone behind you.  It doesn’t matter who they are, just hold the door and don’t let it slam in anyone’s face – even if they are too consumed in their handheld instrument of choice.  Also, remember to use kind words, even among the harshest.  It is very tempting to join in the crowd and hurt another, especially if it is due to peer pressure.  You are resilient, don’t give into such dramatics.  This goes for all kinds of bullying.  Fat shaming, slut shaming, gay shaming – you name it, it needs to stop!  We are all different for a reason and should work together to bridge the gap rather than tear someone down.  You never know who you are pushing over the edge to suicide.  It only takes one word, one action, one display of being ignored, forgotten,  or unloved to push someone to that point.  Embrace, empower and spread love, folks.  

Respect Your Surroundings:  It’s simple.  Clean up the Earth and it will thank you.  This is more than just recycling.  I don’t know how often I’m in a major city in the US and the streets are covered in litter and beautiful walls are covered in graffiti.  It is depressing.  Do your part and inspire others to do theirs and hopefully, the chain reaction will spark a movement.  It only takes one person to start, why not let it be you?  

Respect Yourself:  I cannot stress this enough.  There are so many people out there who are lost in who they are, thrown into a pit of self-loathing and despair because they don’t feel they measure up to the standard of beauty.  This isn’t just a female thing either.  There are men who do not feel adequate because they don’t look like the men in those muscle magazines.  If you have a healthy goal that you set for yourself, I suggest you work as hard as possible to achieve it.  Nothing should stop you from reaching your dream.  The sad thing is, your worst enemy is starring at you every time you look in the mirror.  That voice saying, “Why are you wasting your time?”  Why are you wasting your time listening to that voice?  You are worth it.  You are loved.  You CAN do it!  Make this your time, year and life.