A Hug or a Handshake?

This is part of a conversation told to me.  It really happened, but I won't reveal any names.  The woman initiated this conversation by calling the guy.  These two met online and had barely been chatting by phone over the course of a week.  The main mode of "talking" was done through text messages.

"Why haven't you asked me out yet?"  - Woman
"Oh, are you going to take me out?" - Man
"No, I was calling to ask you to ask me out.  Are you going to be a gentleman and ask me out?" - Woman
"You didn't let me be a gentleman and ask you." - Man

Did Louie Really Hit IT on the Head?

If you haven't heard, seen or watched the clip of Louis CK's show, "Louie," where the fat woman  voices her struggles with dating in great detail, you are missing an important conversation that is almost muted in our society.  The female character goes on about how her struggles encompass men almost living in fear of walking hand in hand with her, let alone dating her, because they are worried to be seen with her.  Louie's character gives off the usual physical and verbal reactions; looking around nervously, and spitting out the knee jerk reaction of, "No, you aren't fat" as a way to make the woman feel better about herself and almost convince himself that it is indeed okay and acceptable TO date her.  I don't necessarily agree with all of what the female character is saying, but I think it's important to start there.

On and Off Again?

It is a reality that in our modern age that meeting that special someone may require an internet connection.  So many people  are just too busy to get out there and meet people the old fashion way.  I know a lot are also tired of meeting people in the bar/club setting, and don’t feel you can easily meet someone at the grocery store.  I will agree that meeting someone in a bar is likely to not end well.  Drunk decisions tend to not be the best decisions.  That is why I feel there are a lot of positives and more possibilities to meeting people online.  You are able to get a feel of who they are, their interests and goals faster than meeting once and having intermittent phone conversations and endless text messages that seem to go nowhere.  But what happens when those online relationships never get off the ground?  They go in circles for a variety of reasons, and can sometimes go on for what feels like forever.

I do feel that with keeping that distance between two people, it is a safety net for one or both parties.  There is minimal risk in getting hurt if all you two are doing is trading words typed through a computer for what feels like ages.  I also feel that sitting behind a computer gives some a sense of confidence that they would never have in person.  They would never have the guts to talk to the woman of their dreams or the man of their dreams if they encountered them in a bookstore, grocery or a bar.  They would have missed that chance entirely over their own insecurities and fear.  Who wants to be rejected?  It’s not a nice feeling at all for anyone.

What about the other side of modern dating with this influx of online dating?  The disturbing amount of people who are either married or are already in committed relationships with other people that pretend to be single?  It can be very obvious when you encounter a married man or woman.  They usually aren’t looking to get serious in any way possible.  They want to meet up in areas that are not local to where they live, or where they may run into someone, or they only want to spend time at your place.  The flip side, they will only want you on their time and the “relationship” may not materialize in the real world.  They are always too busy for you, and refuse to make time. These people use all available dating sites, free or paid, trolling for whatever they can find.

Tips to avoid pitfalls:

• Utilize Google Search:  Most people are not crafty Bond villains and use the same screen name for just about everything  – even personal and professional emails.  If you have met someone who you think is the bee’s knees, check them out.  Empower yourself with knowledge so you aren’t just another notch on their belt.
• Is there really chemistry?:  Be mindful of who you are talking with.  If they immediately are demanding you send them endless pictures of yourself, some of which are semi nude, drop them.  It’s disrespectful and they are only after one thing – plus you aren’t the only one they are engaging with in that manner.  Look for that natural flow of conversation, even if you are only talking about something simple.  If you click, let it grow.
• Real Time Dating:  When you first meet someone, you should look to connect in person as soon as possible.  Let’s break this section down first.  If he or she is coming off as a creep, do not bother with them.  If he or she gives you a bad vibe, do not bother with them.  Are you getting the idea?  Use your better judgement.  People give neon sign like clues about who they are.  It is up to you to read them.  Learn to ask them questions about who they are and what they are looking for in the long run.  When I say connect in person as soon as possible it should be in a very public location and it should be very casual.  Why get stuck through an entire dinner with someone you don’t actually like?  Don’t get mixed up with someone who would rather waste your time than work to build a life with you.  You are important and your time is just as important.
• Practice safe sex:  I can not stress this enough!  Condoms are a lot cheaper than raising a child.  Plus, you won’t have to take a pack of condoms to court over child support or custody issues.
• Are you happy?:  It is a simple question.  Does this person make you happy?  Do you look forward to your conversations together or spending time together?  If yes, then great!  I wish you all the best.  If not, start preparing for an exit.  Life is just too short to continue going around and around again.

There is a lot of truth to the saying if someone is serious about you, they will make it known and they will make plans with you in both the long and short term.  This is true for any medium of where you can meet someone.  Remember to take care of yourself before you start losing it to someone else.  Be aware, be empowered and let love find you, not the other way around.

Lent Your Way?

This year is really flying by!  I can’t believe we are already in March and it’s time for Lent.  I am not Catholic in any way but I have always been fascinated by how Catholics and the, “I’m only Catholic on holidays” Catholics celebrate this religious process.  The basic concept is denying yourself something for 40 days in an effort to draw you closer to God.  It’s not Biblical but it is what they believe.  I have yet to meet someone who hasn’t broken Lent within a week or actually avoided eating meat on Friday.  I wanted to take this a step further to see if people can go without something important to them for any time period all in an effort to draw themselves closer to God?  There are so many things we do on a daily basis that are such a habit that we don’t even realize we are doing them.  Humans are ritualistic and forget to function on thought sometimes because it takes too long to break cycles.

What if we challenged ourselves to spend a few days trying something else?  Doing something new or letting go of a vice that may be killing us in an effort to pull closer to God?  And for those who don’t or refuse to believe in God, doing all the same just to find some peace of mind or clarity?  I am not saying to do this for 40 days at a time but start small.  If you smoke, go a full day without cigarettes.  If you are a heavy drinker, cut back to once a week.  If you have a gym membership that you barely use, make an effort to start going once a week.  There are very big and small ways in our lives that we can make changes to find balance.  It all comes down to if we are willing or not.  I have challenged myself to get a lot of the stuff done around the house that needs it before it gets too warm outside.  I like to do yard work in late Winter/early Spring versus trying to hump around all summer in the heat.  I want to fully enjoy Summer this year.  My smaller more personal goal, not just for 40 days, is to spend more time each day with God.  I have found myself doing too much other stuff and then realized it’s just stuff.  I felt empty.

What will you be inspired to do?  Maybe it is time to let go of those old pains, get that big final cry out?  Maybe it is time to try something new – almost anything new!  Cliff diving in Mexico might not be your thing but wearing a dress for the first time in years might be your start.  Going on that first date, deciding to take things to the next level, planning to get married or working toward making your relationship or marriage stronger versus throwing in the towel, or remembering why you have always loved that person no matter what and finally making your lives become one.  It is never too late for any of this.  You are the starting point.

Whether it is for Lent, one week or one day, you should strive to cut away the old bad habits.  That is the only way new and positive habits  will enter your life and stick around.  What will you try today?

How Do You Make It Work ?

With all of our modern distractions, how is it possible to sustain a long term relationship?  This goes for any couple, married or otherwise.

I was in a supermarket recently and saw a young couple doing their shopping together.  They had a grocery cart filled with mutual home item needs, yet the woman seem more interested in the experience than the guy.  While I was grabbing the few items I needed, I noticed  he was quick to start walking away from her, not really giving her an explanation as to why he was walking away.  It was a bit awkward to be honest.  She quickly regained some dignity by telling him she was going to be in another department.  I would venture to say she was a bit hurt by the whole exchange, judging by her body language and tone in her voice.  It made me think about what I usually ask my coupled up friends – how do they make things work in their relationship?  Even in instances as small as grocery shopping together.   I am a firm believer in comparing and contrasting experiences with other people because it is one way to learn more about yourself and your situation.  I’m not saying that you should always compare yourself and your relationships to others because that isn’t healthy.  But hey, if couple X makes special time for adventure instead of the usual go-to Netflix weekends – why not make a consideration?

What does it mean to make time for adventure?  Adventure can be as grand as multiple vacations through out the year or as simple as date nights, dance lessons, wine tasting – whatever makes sense for the two of you.  Of course life and its complications can add reasons to make you say things like, “well, not this month” or “not this year” – that’s another unrealistic roadblock.  If it’s finances that are holding you back, look into where you are spending your money.  Plan a budget at the start of each year, quarter, month and week  – if you aren’t that anal, creating a budget each month helps in planning some fun.  You will be surprised at how much you can save when you maintain an accurate budget.   There are a lot of great local things to try in most areas, especially if you live close to a metropolitan area.  There are various sites that offer ideas and coupons; just be sure to check reviews and leave reviews.    If it’s children that hold you back, work with other families that you trust to swap out babysitting duties.  It is a great low cost (if not free) idea that works for short term.  Try to not take advantage of others’ time.  It’s not right and not fair.

What if your adventure is just making time for each other?  That genuine friendship between two people, the talking, sharing and emotionally giving time?  As much as I love to be out on the town, listening to live music and dancing, I do enjoy the more quiet types of adventure.  Walking along the beach together, quiet dinners for two in dimly lit restaurants – you know, all the super romantic stuff.  I love the intimacy and getting to know more about your partner.  There are things about them that don’t change but there are a lot of things that do change as time goes on and they go through different experiences,  and it is important to keep the dialogue open, constructive and positive.  You fell in love with him or her for a reason and in 60 years, you will want to be able to readily list those reasons as to why you are still together.  Plus it is always good to share those reasons with each other.

Whether you have been together, married, living together – whatever – for 5 minutes or 5 years find out your dynamic and feed it.  Don’t let the, “oh, we can do it next month” create gaps.  Life is too short waiting for tomorrow, next month or next year.  Appreciate the time you have together now, and make the most of every moment.  Technology has caused us to not appreciate spoken word, written language, and palpable emotions in others.  We are forever waiting for that next second impulse or tone from our handheld devices to alert us of how we should feel for that brief moment.  Take the time to turn things off, set the mood and get back to what’s important:  finding what makes things work.

What are some ways you build your relationship that actually works?  What are things that you have tried that ultimately failed?

What's Your Love Song?

It is that time of year again.  You know, worrying about what to do for Valentine's Day.  Should we go out?  Should we go away?  Will he finally propose?  Instead of the traditional ways to celebrate, why not change things and create a new tradition for you and your partner, or if you are single, for yourself?  There are so many ways to celebrate that don't have to include something that is overly sexual.

Married / Long term relationship:  You had better put some serious effort into whatever you are doing.  Whether it is a nice dinner out on the town, or a special candle lit dinner for just the two of you, it needs to be something personal and with thought behind it.  You should know your partner well enough to know what they will find memorable and special.  Don't forget the flowers either and a gift.  I suggest you two hire a babysitter (if you have kids) and cook together.  If you both aren't the cooking type, enroll in a class together.  Plan to start something that will help you two grow together and just have fun.

Somewhat serious dating:  This is when you have been with the person under a year and have only recently decided to become exclusive.  This doesn't require that much of a commitment on Valentine's Day but fresh flowers and a simple gift works best.  This does not require the big ta-do, even though a lot of you expect it.  It's not fair to expect all of that from someone you have a fresh commitment with.  Valentine's Day is not a competition.

Casual daters / Single people:  If you and your current other half haven't made plans yet for the big day, don't sweat it.  In fact, I'd suggest you and your single friends go out to a singles party that night or plan to have your own singles mixer.  This is a great way to meet other singles or just make a new friend.  It doesn't have to be overly done and can simply be a pizza, beer and Netflix night.  Break out your baking tools and create Valentine's Day cookies or a cake together.  It can turn very intimate if need be.

Family Valentine's Day Party:  It is a growing trend for kids to be part of the celebration.   I know some schools still have parties dedicated to handing out Valentine's Day cards, candy, cookies and other sweet treats.  Don't stress that all the food and desserts have to be red or pink in color - the fact that you are spending quality time together as a family means more and will have a lasting impression.

Get creative this year, and don't break the bank - unless you were planning on buying that $10k ring.  There are plenty of ways to make this romantic holiday special instead of handing out a coupon book for free hugs.  It is important to remember to give and share - love is more than expectations, pressure and jewelry.

What are you planning to do this year?  Like/Comment/Share

And Away We Go!

Ah, goodbye 2013 and hello 2014.  What does this new year mean for you?  Are you getting married, having a baby, moving, changing careers, going back to school or starting school?  People seem to want to jump into life changing situations as soon as Christmas is over.  Why do we do this?  Why are we adding extra pressure and stress to ourselves just to break these resolutions by the end of February?

I suggest an alternative to these resolutions so you don't feel at all let down come Valentines Day.  Set more realistic goals for this year.  Set goals that can be met every day, week and month.  Do not hope to lose 40 lbs in a month, aim to lose a healthy pound a week.  Aim to make a new friend each month.  Learn to organize small portions of your home or office so that by next December you will have more accomplishments to be proud of that will last through out the next year.  Change is something humans have a hard time accepting and implementing - but it is not impossible.  It is better to start small, even micro because every success is a success worth celebrating.

Stop being so hard on yourself because you didn't accomplish _____ by the time you were _____; or you didn't quit _____ by _____.  It's not worth it.  You are much more than the numbers on the scale, who you share your lease, mortgage or car note with - you are beautiful inside and out.  This is your time to come into your potential and inspire others to do the same.

Do your best, remain positive and start small.  You will reach great heights.

See you down the path!

Forever & Ever, Then Ever Again

I recently heard some people talking about the relationship between Ruth and Boaz and how much of an impact it had on their decision making when it came to picking a partner or waiting for that *right* person to come along.  If you aren’t familiar with the story, Boaz is a well established Israelite of means who met Ruth, a Gentile who was at a low point in her life.  This meeting changed their lives forever.  Boaz was a blessing in Ruth’s life.  I like to think that blessing went both ways for both people.

I was discussing with a good friend of mine how hard relationships can be, whether you are married or not.   We also discussed why it seems that opposites always seem to attract and stick together longer than those who are too much alike.  Like Ruth and Boaz, we may be brought together to be a blessing for someone else because we already have enough in our lives.  I firmly believe that the story of Ruth and Boaz goes beyond the traditional male and female relationship.  I feel that there are people who are like Boaz, male or female alike, and people like Ruth, again both male and female alike. There are times that we will have to hold up our partner through their season so that you two grow closer together.  Sometimes we have to be the leader, teacher, shelter for their suffering or their strength like Boaz was for Ruth.  There are times that we are like Ruth, feeling low and needing that hug or action of love to see us through.  The core importance of the story is to teach us that we may not always understand our partner because they may not be “on our level” or they may have either exposed, hidden or unwarranted insecurities that are plaguing their life and possibly now your relationship and we can be quick to dismiss situations, people and emotions due to ignorance. 

It is important to take a step back and realize that like Ruth who saw Boaz in a field, we have to strip down situations to its simplest form, like the field, to truly see our partner.  Whether you are Ruth in the situation or Boaz, you should be able to be vulnerable to pave the way to a solid future together. 

Have a great day!  :)

Dating Down the Rabbit Hole

I want to first start by saying that there are still some amazing people out there and maintaining a positive, optimistic attitude is more powerful than the alternative.  We live in an age where it is easy to meet new people every second of each day.  It is easy to get connected for free on a lot of platforms without having to spend a dime.  Social media has made it convenient to stay connected with people from around the world, not just those in your area.  This is fantastic to a fault.   I have noticed that this fault is more than simply overlooking the fact that your partner snores when they sleep.  These faults are starting to add up to something more serious that is chipping away at the sanity and emotions of some.

I remember when I was growing up having to race to the phone when it rang in hopes it was that cute person you’ve had your eye on all month or school year.  Especially if you had siblings, you knew of the dreaded panic hearing someone else pick up another phone in the house.  There was no real privacy and even when your parents installed that awesome second line, you still had to share it with everyone else in the house.  Also, there was the great feeling of slamming the phone down on someone who broke your heart.  You knew that was justified as a slap in the face to the offender.  Were these truly better times?  I can see their benefit.  Today, we rely so heavily on text messages, emails and broken phone conversations, that is if you can even get someone on the phone.  There are benefits to this but let’s be honest; is this shortcut way of life really the best way to build and maintain a relationship?

There are many different kinds of people you can meet but there are some personalities that you seem to meet more often than you should and you should avoid:  They are the secretly married, bitterly bitter, overly independent, or leech.  Yes, some of these personalities overlap but for the most part, they are of their own right scary, somewhat dangerous, and can be sniffed out with some good sense and patience.

Secretly Married:  Ah, yes, the, “my partner doesn’t understand me” or “they won’t have enough sex with me” type.  They usually disguise their true intention unless they are in an open marriage.  They also tend to have a type and you are never the only one they are talking to or dealing with.  They start off with a casual approach, but it becomes obvious what is really going on.  With so many free dating platforms and applications, it makes it easy for them to seek out others.  If they are willing to let you go, thank them and move on.  This only ends one way and it is with you utterly heartbroken, gaining 20lbs and being a world champion in eating junk food.  Yeah, brownies are amazing but eating 1 to 5 pans of it isn’t healthy.

Bitterly Bitter:  This type tends to spew some seriously verbal abuse when you tell them you are not interested or are ending your time with them.  They are quick to say how worthless you are or how you will never be anything without them.  I hear situations like this all the time from friends, family and colleagues and have experienced them myself.  We all have been burned in one way or another when it comes to relationships but healing and moving on from the past needs to happen before we move on to a new situation.  Sometimes there are those who seek out new people who resemble a part of their past so they can stay in that part of their life.  It is best to recognize this early on so their toxicity doesn’t become part of who you are.  Misery does indeed love company.  This is usually disguised by those who are obsessed over their ex.  If he or she is not interested in getting to know who you are, they then make assumptions about who you are, and spends more time mentioning the past, notice the red flag and head for the hills.

Overly Independent:  There is absolutely nothing wrong in being independent.  Working hard and getting an education are vital in life but we have to remember to keep in balance that you do in fact need other people.  Even the busiest person needs human affection.  Sometimes we need a hug, handshake or a high five; sometimes we need more than that.  Love is so important in our species and you are not meant to be “forever alone.”  Those who claim they don’t need anyone else are the ones hurting the most.  This type, if you have the patience, will open up once they feel comfortable.  That time may also not come either.   If they are pushing you away or pushing you too hard to configure yourself into something you aren’t, it is best to let them go.  You have enough going on in your life to play therapist in their lives.

Leech:   Aren’t familiar with what a leech does?  Google that sometime.  They are little bloodsuckers that never let go.  Yes, they once had medicinal purposes but if you happen to be walking through a jungle, you aren’t going to consider them to be a good thing.  They hold on and never let go.  You either have to pull very hard or use a lighter to burn them off.  Same rules apply to these kind of people.  They are the ones who send novels for text messages, endless voice-mails wondering where you are or show up at your place of employment unexpectedly.  They show their true colors from the start.  They will latch on from the start and never want to let go.  It usually takes a lot of energy, force and threats of a restraining order to get them out of your life.  There is a healthy amount of inter-dependence in a relationship then there is somewhat stalker behavior if not a true stalker.   Keep an eye out!

It is rough out there in our modern dating world but it is not impossible to find someone.  It is important to remember who you are, what your goals are and if this person you are meeting is truly in line with them.  Do they value true conversation or are they asking for dirty pictures from the start? Do they solely rely on text and email? I always say you can determine their true intentions within 2 weeks.  Watch for signs so you won’t spend years with someone who never intended on getting serious with you from the start.  Do not be afraid to communicate your desires.  If something is important to you, you will find that person who respects that and wants something similar.  I don’t believe in settling for anything but you have to remain optimistic.  Your partner won’t be able to be everything and leap over tall buildings or volunteer saving cute animals on the side.  We are only human after all.

You are amazing just the way you are, never forget that!  I wish you all the success in the world out there!

I Can See August Over the Mountian

With July coming to a almost rapid close, it is time to start preparing for back to school, and various Fall adventures.  Before we break out the boots, jeans, sweaters and hoodies, I want to remind you to enjoy the remainder of the month of July but also enjoy all that August has to offer.  July is a very hard month for me and with a very good friend of mine going into major surgery tomorrow morning, I am reminded yet again that life is just too damn short.  One minute you are here complaining because they forgot to add cheese the next you are laid up in a pine box.  Don’t let any moment go by without sharing your joy, love, concern for others.

It’s not too late to rock that bikini, work hard to run that 5k or ask that cute guy out who you work with.  Dive into the possible and expand your expectations.

 

All hail seductive carrot.

With enough squats, you two can have thighs just like this carrot (ha!).

Dating is a Dying Art

When was the last time you went on a solid date where you felt there was a connection, you actually wanted to see the person again, and you felt it could turn into a relationship? When was the last time you went on a date and projected all your thoughts and possibly derailed things after the appetizer? I know we are all guilty of having the foot-in-mouth instead of the spinach dip as the starter course. Or we are downing too many alcoholic beverages before we even learn their last name then complain that things bombed to anyone who will listen. Why are we torturing ourselves? I used to be that single lady who ordered one too many “foot-in-mouth” until I had a moment of clarity and changed my attitude. Looking back, I realized why I was attracting the wrong man and why things never developed due to how ridiculous I was being. I know that by changing a few key things, you too can find a healthy relationship that will give you a sense of pride and boost of self-confidence.

As a plus-sized lady, I fell into the thinking that I may never find the unicorn known as a “good man.” What if I’m not pretty enough or thin enough like some of my counterparts who, in my mind, fit more into what should be and not what is. I honestly have to tell you that that mentality is absolute bullshit. Men are men and they are not as discerning as women make them out to be. If a man finds you attractive, he finds you attractive. Yes, there are men who prefer a thinner woman, but sometimes they tend to be very insecure. It’s mostly due to them being worried about what their friends will think – not their own happiness. I’m not the thinnest hen in the henhouse but I have to say that I turn more heads than my slimmer counter parts. It took years for this to finally sink in but it is possible and it gave me a new sense of self-confidence. I was ready to be loved because I learned to love myself.

I empower you all to smile, be open and open-minded and confident. Learn to listen as well as communicate your desires and ambitions. Finding the right partner starts with finding yourself and loving yourself. Try not to get caught up in broken text message, email conversations, drinking too much during the dating period, being too abrasive or rushing to the future before it even gets here. Relax, have fun and let love find you because it will when the time is right.

Mama!

Mother’s Day is more than a day to honor the woman who gave you life.  This day and every day should be a day met with high praise for all Mother’s, whether they are biological or not, such as Grandmothers, Sisters, Aunts or that family friend who took the kids in despite not being “family.”  Every day should be a thank you, even if that day was a struggle.  Sometimes we have to fight through the pain to realize they only wanted what was best for us.  Sometimes that struggle was all too real and as an adult, you then realized how tough things were for her growing up and she did the best she could with the tools she had.  Life isn’t a guarantee of perfection and promises but it is possible for all to do better and be better.  

There is no specific definition or rule book on how to be a Mother.  Yes, there are numerous experts that claim they have found the formula for Motherhood but can they really measure love?  Can they really measure how many kisses given because you scraped your knee?  Or crying because you graduated high school, college or beyond?  That measure of pride and love is something no expert can compile.  It is something personal and special, that bond beyond compare.  I invite you to create something different this year for Mother’s Day.  Make a book of memories that you want to share with your Mom and turn it into a keepsake for when you have your own children.  This way you have something that can be passed through each generation as a symbol of what love is defined by in your family.  I usually make photobooks, albums or scrapbook something.  What will you do this year?

Major Life Rules

                How many times are we faced with challenges and then begin to doubt ourselves?  Almost every day, right?   We might be running late for work, have issues at work, issues with coworkers, family, relationships, and friends and so on.  I know I can create a list of things going on right now that I feel I need to solve before my head hits the pillow tonight.  Is it a reality to start solving all of these problems?  Is there a DNA code hidden that will reveal our true identities as differing super heroes and heroines?  I wish, if only to get a cool cape out of the deal!  The real starting point starts from within us, and then it can move outward.  

 Respecting Elders:   I teach my son, who is now four, the importance of respecting the older generation.  It is important to know where you came from to know where you are going.  This applies to all of us.  I see it so many times when  people are in such a hurry and won’t hold a door for someone, or they are quick to cut off someone older because they are speaking too slowly.  Is your life really worth that much more than theirs that you are unable to give them the respect they deserve?  I always make a point to talk with older folks any chance I get.  The wisdom they share is invaluable.  They have lived a life before all of our modern conveniences and know how to sustain relationships; whether it’s between friends or lovers.  They know how to survive through it all; racism, bigotry, hatred, and injustice.  

Respecting Each Other:  Plain and simple, remember the little things.  Whether your friend is dealing with sobriety, diet, lifestyle change, et cetera, remember to celebrate and respect their wishes and desires.  Hold the door for someone behind you.  It doesn’t matter who they are, just hold the door and don’t let it slam in anyone’s face – even if they are too consumed in their handheld instrument of choice.  Also, remember to use kind words, even among the harshest.  It is very tempting to join in the crowd and hurt another, especially if it is due to peer pressure.  You are resilient, don’t give into such dramatics.  This goes for all kinds of bullying.  Fat shaming, slut shaming, gay shaming – you name it, it needs to stop!  We are all different for a reason and should work together to bridge the gap rather than tear someone down.  You never know who you are pushing over the edge to suicide.  It only takes one word, one action, one display of being ignored, forgotten,  or unloved to push someone to that point.  Embrace, empower and spread love, folks.  

Respect Your Surroundings:  It’s simple.  Clean up the Earth and it will thank you.  This is more than just recycling.  I don’t know how often I’m in a major city in the US and the streets are covered in litter and beautiful walls are covered in graffiti.  It is depressing.  Do your part and inspire others to do theirs and hopefully, the chain reaction will spark a movement.  It only takes one person to start, why not let it be you?  

Respect Yourself:  I cannot stress this enough.  There are so many people out there who are lost in who they are, thrown into a pit of self-loathing and despair because they don’t feel they measure up to the standard of beauty.  This isn’t just a female thing either.  There are men who do not feel adequate because they don’t look like the men in those muscle magazines.  If you have a healthy goal that you set for yourself, I suggest you work as hard as possible to achieve it.  Nothing should stop you from reaching your dream.  The sad thing is, your worst enemy is starring at you every time you look in the mirror.  That voice saying, “Why are you wasting your time?”  Why are you wasting your time listening to that voice?  You are worth it.  You are loved.  You CAN do it!  Make this your time, year and life.