A Hug or a Handshake?

This is part of a conversation told to me.  It really happened, but I won't reveal any names.  The woman initiated this conversation by calling the guy.  These two met online and had barely been chatting by phone over the course of a week.  The main mode of "talking" was done through text messages.

"Why haven't you asked me out yet?"  - Woman
"Oh, are you going to take me out?" - Man
"No, I was calling to ask you to ask me out.  Are you going to be a gentleman and ask me out?" - Woman
"You didn't let me be a gentleman and ask you." - Man

Did Louie Really Hit IT on the Head?

If you haven't heard, seen or watched the clip of Louis CK's show, "Louie," where the fat woman  voices her struggles with dating in great detail, you are missing an important conversation that is almost muted in our society.  The female character goes on about how her struggles encompass men almost living in fear of walking hand in hand with her, let alone dating her, because they are worried to be seen with her.  Louie's character gives off the usual physical and verbal reactions; looking around nervously, and spitting out the knee jerk reaction of, "No, you aren't fat" as a way to make the woman feel better about herself and almost convince himself that it is indeed okay and acceptable TO date her.  I don't necessarily agree with all of what the female character is saying, but I think it's important to start there.

Dating is a Dying Art

When was the last time you went on a solid date where you felt there was a connection, you actually wanted to see the person again, and you felt it could turn into a relationship? When was the last time you went on a date and projected all your thoughts and possibly derailed things after the appetizer? I know we are all guilty of having the foot-in-mouth instead of the spinach dip as the starter course. Or we are downing too many alcoholic beverages before we even learn their last name then complain that things bombed to anyone who will listen. Why are we torturing ourselves? I used to be that single lady who ordered one too many “foot-in-mouth” until I had a moment of clarity and changed my attitude. Looking back, I realized why I was attracting the wrong man and why things never developed due to how ridiculous I was being. I know that by changing a few key things, you too can find a healthy relationship that will give you a sense of pride and boost of self-confidence.

As a plus-sized lady, I fell into the thinking that I may never find the unicorn known as a “good man.” What if I’m not pretty enough or thin enough like some of my counterparts who, in my mind, fit more into what should be and not what is. I honestly have to tell you that that mentality is absolute bullshit. Men are men and they are not as discerning as women make them out to be. If a man finds you attractive, he finds you attractive. Yes, there are men who prefer a thinner woman, but sometimes they tend to be very insecure. It’s mostly due to them being worried about what their friends will think – not their own happiness. I’m not the thinnest hen in the henhouse but I have to say that I turn more heads than my slimmer counter parts. It took years for this to finally sink in but it is possible and it gave me a new sense of self-confidence. I was ready to be loved because I learned to love myself.

I empower you all to smile, be open and open-minded and confident. Learn to listen as well as communicate your desires and ambitions. Finding the right partner starts with finding yourself and loving yourself. Try not to get caught up in broken text message, email conversations, drinking too much during the dating period, being too abrasive or rushing to the future before it even gets here. Relax, have fun and let love find you because it will when the time is right.