Sunday, May 11, 2014

High Heels and High Expectations

When is it okay to make the first move?  I saw a statistic earlier about how the success rate of one dating site was shy of 40%, simply because the woman made the first move, and messaged the man first.  It prompted me to think, I wonder how often women actually do make the first move, in more situations than online dating, but also in life?  We are moving at a rapid pace in modern society where women may actually end up equal to men.  Does this also translate to the relationship world?  And, will this create new gender roles in relationships?  Will a trend of women proposing to men spike in the next twenty years?  It is entirely possible!



On the flip side of this, I have heard from men who are older (40s and older) how women have "become men," and they miss women being "women."  Their argument is they miss women being "feminine,"  "supportive," and as some put it, "being ladies."   They may have a point, even if they are treading in the waters of sexism.  It is common now, and accepted, for women to dress provocatively at most occasions, use foul language in every day speech, and to some degrees take pride in such things as being "rachet."  I am still trying to grasp how this happened myself.   I think in a lot of cases this mindset that these men have has to do with a generational approach versus cultural when it comes to finding a partner.  We are leaving an age where Disney and society put labels on what it meant to be a woman, be feminine, and be the perfect partner.  A lot of people who are 40 and older probably grew up in a home where their mother stayed home with them until they started first grade, and was still home a majority of the time, so their subconscious want is to have that security in their home life.  They felt it was best for them as a child, and would want to continue it for their children.  Those younger then 40 most likely had parents who went back to work right away so they were raised to understand that women do work outside of the home just as much as inside of the home (Being a Mom is a tough job!).  In fact, they were raised with the idea that Mom works just like Dad works, and they both worked hard!  Regardless of the financial necessity of having two incomes, when you look at things from this perspective, we can now understand why women are starting to push the boundaries of what it means to be "the woman" in a relationship.  It just doesn't exist. 

Cleaning and maintaining a house is not a woman's job, so much as using power tools is a man's job.  They are just jobs that need to get done, and dishes won't wash themselves.
Why should a woman sit by the phone waiting for a suitor to call?  Why shouldn't she make the first move?  Say the first hello?  It is not emasculating, and does not make her any less of a woman for it.  In fact, I think a lot of relationships would be healthier if there was more equality, and less dependency.  It would force couples to have those hard talks earlier in their relationships, and stop wasting years together.  I don't believe that women are turning into men; I think they are learning to find their voice.  It does not make men any less for it either.  In fact, more men should support a woman's right to choose, whether it is in business, life or in the home.  We all have different paths in life, and when you find yours, you should be proud of it with all your might.  Whether you feel your place is in the home or boardroom - achieve it, and own it.  Do everything in your power to say it's yours, not that you are allowed to do it.

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Are you meeting anyone new this week?  Make the first move this time.  Offer to pay for the beverages, or offer to pay for the first round.  His reaction will tell you more about who he is more than any interview style dating question you can think to ask him.

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