Thursday, March 13, 2014

On and Off Again?

It is a reality that in our modern age that meeting that special someone may require an internet connection.  So many people  are just too busy to get out there and meet people the old fashion way.  I know a lot are also tired of meeting people in the bar/club setting, and don’t feel you can easily meet someone at the grocery store.  I will agree that meeting someone in a bar is likely to not end well.  Drunk decisions tend to not be the best decisions.  That is why I feel there are a lot of positives and more possibilities to meeting people online.  You are able to get a feel of who they are, their interests and goals faster than meeting once and having intermittent phone conversations and endless text messages that seem to go nowhere.  But what happens when those online relationships never get off the ground?  They go in circles for a variety of reasons, and can sometimes go on for what feels like forever.

I do feel that with keeping that distance between two people, it is a safety net for one or both parties.  There is minimal risk in getting hurt if all you two are doing is trading words typed through a computer for what feels like ages.  I also feel that sitting behind a computer gives some a sense of confidence that they would never have in person.  They would never have the guts to talk to the woman of their dreams or the man of their dreams if they encountered them in a bookstore, grocery or a bar.  They would have missed that chance entirely over their own insecurities and fear.  Who wants to be rejected?  It’s not a nice feeling at all for anyone.

What about the other side of modern dating with this influx of online dating?  The disturbing amount of people who are either married or are already in committed relationships with other people that pretend to be single?  It can be very obvious when you encounter a married man or woman.  They usually aren’t looking to get serious in any way possible.  They want to meet up in areas that are not local to where they live, or where they may run into someone, or they only want to spend time at your place.  The flip side, they will only want you on their time and the “relationship” may not materialize in the real world.  They are always too busy for you, and refuse to make time. These people use all available dating sites, free or paid, trolling for whatever they can find.

Tips to avoid pitfalls:
  • Utilize Google Search:  Most people are not crafty Bond villains and use the same screen name for just about everything  – even personal and professional emails.  If you have met someone who you think is the bee’s knees, check them out.  Empower yourself with knowledge so you aren’t just another notch on their belt.
  • Is there really chemistry?:  Be mindful of who you are talking with.  If they immediately are demanding you send them endless pictures of yourself, some of which are semi nude, drop them.  It’s disrespectful and they are only after one thing – plus you aren’t the only one they are engaging with in that manner.  Look for that natural flow of conversation, even if you are only talking about something simple.  If you click, let it grow.
  • Real Time Dating:  When you first meet someone, you should look to connect in person as soon as possible.  Let’s break this section down first.  If he or she is coming off as a creep, do not bother with them.  If he or she gives you a bad vibe, do not bother with them.  Are you getting the idea?  Use your better judgement.  People give neon sign like clues about who they are.  It is up to you to read them.  Learn to ask them questions about who they are and what they are looking for in the long run.  When I say connect in person as soon as possible it should be in a very public location and it should be very casual.  Why get stuck through an entire dinner with someone you don’t actually like?  Don’t get mixed up with someone who would rather waste your time than work to build a life with you.  You are important and your time is just as important.
  • Practice safe sex:  I can not stress this enough!  Condoms are a lot cheaper than raising a child.  Plus, you won’t have to take a pack of condoms to court over child support or custody issues.
  • Are you happy?:  It is a simple question.  Does this person make you happy?  Do you look forward to your conversations together or spending time together?  If yes, then great!  I wish you all the best.  If not, start preparing for an exit.  Life is just too short to continue going around and around again.
There is a lot of truth to the saying if someone is serious about you, they will make it known and they will make plans with you in both the long and short term.  This is true for any medium of where you can meet someone.  Remember to take care of yourself before you start losing it to someone else.  Be aware, be empowered and let love find you, not the other way around.

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